Just Filipino

It may seem trivial. After all, most teenagers go through phases, but this was much more than a phase like goth or emo. In my mind, I thought I was leaving up – that if I only surrounded myself with whiteness, bathed myself in it, I would be spared from the struggles of my ancestors. Turns out, I was wrong. Denying my culture didn’t protect me from racism, but it did isolated me from a community that would have validated my feelings, stood behind me, and made me stronger.

Wild Abandon

Sometimes I wonder, why I did have kids? Even before I was pregnant I knew that having children was a selfish act, trying to fulfill something within me. In the grocery store, passing parents and their screaming child, thinking time to go home. Hearing a parent scold their child thinking I would never do that.

Mother-Friend

Postpartum depression hit me like a ton of bricks after having my first baby. I would get so upset anytime someone would call it the “baby blues.” It felt too trivial a term to describe the desperation and hopelessness I felt moment after moment, day after day, and it didn’t help that there weren’t a

This Old House

I, like many other people during the pandemic, have spent a lot of time in my house lately…and I, like many other people, have found ways to improve it. Renovate, decorate, whatever terminology you choose. I know I’m not the only one because driving around my neighborhood you will find house painters, concrete mixers, pool

The Work They Can’t See

“Productive.” It’s the bane of my existence. It’s the new 4 letter word. The same goes for “goals.” I have to admit that I’ve felt completely lost for a while now. At least a few years and probably for much longer than that. Aside from wanting to be a singer or an actress when I

Year 2 and Thank You

As my kids return to school after winter break I find myself in a familiar situation checking the rising COVID numbers in our county and refreshing the school district’s COVID dashboard webpage every hour knowing damn well that those numbers do not accurately reflect the number of active COVID cases and are just a fraction

Dear Girl

A letter to my pre-pandemic self. Dear Girl, It’s December 2019 and you are living a version of your life that seems successful to the onlooker. You have two adorable babies. You just spent the first year in your new house. Your social life is active, but things are about to change abruptly and there

They Grow Up so Fast

My mom has been coming over almost every day. My son’s school ends right in the middle of my daughter’s naptime, and I need someone to be home just in case my daughter wakes up while I’m gone. I tried pushing her naptime an hour later which I immediately realized is not a good idea

Change

The first fall leaf on the liquid amber has turned red and fallen. I noticed it this morning when I was in the backyard watering the grass. Living in Southern California, we miss most of the obvious tell-tale signs of seasons changing. According to the calendar, last Wednesday marked the first day of Fall, yet

First Day of School

My oldest started kindergarten today. For the last few nights I have been waking up in the middle of the night worrying about him. I usually wake up around 3 am and a never-ending cycle of questions swirl through my head. What if he’s too nervous to talk? What if he doesn’t make any friends?